BALTIMORE–Potbellied Americans are organizing around the country and are beginning to riot and tear down McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Chick-fil-A and Burger Kings signs as a protest against the franchised restaurants oppressive regimes of fatness.
“People call us butterballs, whalelike and fat asses but we are Americans and we demand to be heard” Said one gargantuan, heavyset participant. “It’s time to tear down these statues of blubber and start over” Added another to a round of applause followed by wheezing and breath catching. “We’re tired of being called ball of butter, blubber-belly and poopy paw pants and we are hungry and not going to take it anymore” said a third massive participant as he crashed a McDonald’s sign to the ground by simply leaning on it with the shear weight of his extra wide Jaba the hut sized rear flank.
Police helicopters were on the scene dropping Big Macs, Baconators and doughnuts on the plump angry mob in an effort to disperse them.
“The situation is developing and we advise all skinny or regular sized people to avoid food courts, restaurants, places that sell lard and other places these porky bastards dwell until we get the situation under control” announced chief of police Eric Young.