The Broncos selected Utah offensive lineman Garett Bolles at #20 last night and he brought his 4 month old son Kingston on stage with him.  I immeadiately thought, this guy is genius.  Sorry Goodell.  Can’t hug you.  Got a baby in my hands.  Keep your distance Goodell you scumbag.

What’s the deal with that anyways?  You gotta hug Goodell when you get picked?  I hate that guy.  Players are kneeling for the national anthem but they’re like “Hey man.  You gotta hug Roger.  Don’t dis the commish”  I feel like it’s time for someone to protest the Goodell hug.  But Bolles didn’t do that.

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Instead of using the baby barrier like I thought he would, Bolles went all willy-nilly and started one handing baby.  He one handed baby to hug Goodell.  He one handed baby up in the air.  He one handed baby to hold jersey with Goodell.  It was opposite of baby barrier.  And it was cringeworthy.  Look Bolles.  There’s a reason you’re an offensive lineman and not a tight end.  You don’t have the best hands in the world.  Coach isn’t gonna put you on hands team to recover onside kicks beast.  Put the damn baby down before he gets hurt.

And then this happened.  Six picks later the Atlanta Falcons selected Takkarist McKinley and he stood up with a big picture of someone and started walking to the stage.  I thought, oh boy here we go.  Someone get me a beer because I do not want to miss this.  And he didn’t fail to deliver.  Here’s a clip from after his obligatory Goodell hug.  It was next level cringey shit.  Almost like he was trying to upstage Bolles.

Look I know these two guys were excited and they’re big beasts and they can bring it on the football field.  But there’s a time and a place for everything and NFL Draft center stage is not the place for one handing babies and dropping GD’s and F bombs.  It looked like McKinley had a mental breakdown or something.  Falcons ownership and coaching staff must have been saying “Oh shit, what did we just do?”  I was waiting for Falcons management to bust out a tranquillizer gun and snipe him.